morning musings

i often wake up early and make myself stay up while the rest of the household sleeps. morning is my favorite, actually best time for reflection.  past, present, future...all my considerations can present without hindrance, revealing themselves in the stillness and dimness of early morning.  it's just me, a cup of coffee and a smoke or two.  yeah, i still have the habit.

mornings now find me, weather permitting, on the back porch.  mark's mom thinks i'm a bit strange i am sure, as often i'm sitting on the back porch in the near darkness, barefoot and bushy headed when she gets up.  but then, she doesn't let me smoke in the house and i am a wee bit strange anyhow.  wtf?  i am me and for a long time after moving in here i tried to do what all good girls are trained to do; make a good and proper impression.  after all, i was living under her roof and with her only son.  i better be good!  but it's been nearly a year now and even though i have tried hard and been through a lot of inner (and outer) conflict, she is just going to have to accept me for me.  actually i think she does, but that doesn't necessarily mean she adores the real me.  but you know what?  that's ok.  i haven't been one to care so much what others think of me for a long, long time.  circumstances here just took me back to an earlier, less secure time when i felt i needed to be approved of.  now isn't that crazy?  as long as i treat her respectfully (and i do) and i respect her home and offer my help (which i do) and contribute financially (which i do) then that is sufficient.  she can plainly see i am not a bad person and that i love her son, so there ya have it. 

i never dreamed the past eighteen months or so would bring about such change.  i miss my country life and likely always will.  it's unlikely i'll get back to it and that's ok.  i don't know if i have it in me anymore to do everything i did before, but, eventually i will get back to living day to day life according to my priorities rather than my mil's.  eventually i will rule my own home and kitchen again.  it is a hard thing to do; giving up authority over one's surroundings.  oh how i would love to be surrounded by things that express me or to use my own cookware and dishes and design a more user friendly home.  my previous life was all about home.  how i loved to care for and nurture that spirit.  here, i find my greatest comfort outside on the back porch and in the basement where i've been given room to create.  someday that will change and this girl will create an atmosphere that accommodates her vision of comfort and warmth.  amen to that.

reflecting back with gratitude

Life has had it's hard moments, this past year especially. Family dynamics have changed somewhat as one realizes they cannot live their life for anyone but themselves regardless of how that makes others feel. We all survive and go one and adjust. It's what we do and have been doing for centuries.

It's been the most unusual year and the most surreal one of my life, not to mention the hardest. The shock of Coop's death and the loss I felt afterwards are indescribable. The death of my mom, dad, sister or brother cannot even come close to what it felt like to lose Coop. No one can truly understand that unless they have lived with and loved someone for that long and realize who they are as an individual is completely wrapped up in that other person...and then in an instant that person is gone, unexpectedly, forever and forever life is changed. Life becomes alien, unfamiliar and everything you do is now surreal because that other person isn't there...when you drive in the car or shop for groceries or come home or fix dinner or go to bed or get up in the morning. Every action, every though hurts because it is a moment to moment reminder of how life has been altered...premanently.

But then, slowly you begin to adjust and have good days in between when tears don't come as often. And you realize that you have a huge place in your heart, as if the love you have known has expanded your heart, opened it to the possibility of experiencing joy and love again, that feeling love for another does not take anything away from the love you have known nor decrease it in any way. Love knows no limits or boundries and loving one does not take away love or limit love for another. Anyone who has children understands this quite well.

I am just thankful for the love I have been given in my life from my family and friends...most especially from my children, their spouses, my sister and and from Coop and Mark. I wonder at times what I might have done to deserve the love of so many and the two wonderful men I have been priveledged to love and be loved by, but then life is strange that way. I don't think it's a matter of deserving really, but more a matter of allowing.

I am grateful for all the goodness and love in my life despite the dark days of the past year. I recall even then, being so very grateful for all the people and blessings in my life as I went through that period. I continue to feel gratitude for each day that I am given to be here, alive on this earth to experience all those things that make us human.

a new chapter in my life

It's been more than three months since I last posted here. To say a lot has changed is an understatement. My entire life shifted when Coop passed away unexpectedly. And now, life is shifting again, but in a very positive direction. I have met someone special and over the course of the last several months have established a wonderful relationship with said person. And believe me, I have been judged and applauded for allowing love into my life so soon after Coop's demise. But, if you remember my words here, you'll recall I mentioned what I knew to be true, that I had a heart full of love to give and at some point in time I wished to establish a relationship again with someone deserving of that love. Well, to my surprise that has happened and I most definitely wished to share my good news with you.

Mark is a gentle man, well seasoned in the heartache that life often brings and as such is the most caring, compassionate and ego-less man I have ever met. He is a retired college English instructor and poet. It seems as if we were made for one another. We share so many idiosyncrasies and have such similar likes and dislikes that it feels as if we have known one another forever. Our relationship is one of total comfort.

As I mentioned, I have been judged and applauded for entering into a relationship so soon. Those who have judged obviously do not know my heart nor the amount of grief I've worked through and experienced. They do not know the emptiness I have felt, nor can they understand the depth of soul searching I have gone through. On the other hand, those who applaud my new found relationship understand that life can and does go on and living and loving is the essence of it. To those who judge I can only say this, I hope you never have to go through such a loss and such grief, but if you do then perhaps you will come to understand. To those who stand by me with happiness and encouragement I say, thank you for honest and loving support.

In the end all I can do is be grateful. I was so very blessed by the love I had known with Coop which I will carry with me and treasure forever. As both Mark and I know, Coop will always be a part of us and our life together. Now, to know the gift of love again is such a miracle to me. I count myself a most blessed person for knowing and experiencing great love and devotion twice in one lifetime, something so special that some may never know at all. That is a miracle.

The past week was a celebration of my 54th birthday. Mark came to spend the week with me and make it special, which he did and it was.

just two old and very happy hippies

If anyone is still reading this blog, I appreciate it and will continue to share as the latest chapter of my life unfolds. Over the next couple of months my life will be shifting in other ways as well.

to my friends

The days have kept me busy and away from blogging as is apparent. However I do wish to say how very much I appreciate the comments, thoughts and prayers that have been sent my way. If I don't always acknowledge you, please take no offense. I do acknowledge you in spirit.

I have decided to step away from blogging at least temporarily. I do so want to get back to sharing with you on a more regular basis those things which brought me to this place initially. However, my focus has been elsewhere as of late while I strive to recreate my life and deal with responsibilities on my own that once were shared by two people. With more responsibility comes less time. Right now I am still making preparations for my daughter, grandaughter and son in law to move in sometime in June. I have lined up a part time job as well and need to get busy with other options I have available for bringing in an income. It's funny how everyone assumes once you become widowed that there is some kind of benefits to follow. Not true. There is nothing available until you are 60 which I am not. Thank goodness Coop and I did simplify our lives and I know how to live simply and frugally. Even so, I am challenged.

Some of you commented about the recent Easter holiday and how it might be difficult for me with Coop being absent from my life. It was not because we did not regularly take note of the Christian holidays. However, Mothers Day will be somewhat of a challenge as will Fathers day. The hardest one I think will be my birthday and next year when our anniversary arrives. I don't know how I will get through those days yet. For now I am grateful they aren't immediately looming over me. Each week, in fact often each day brings me new challenges and old memories, yearnings for what was. I know I can't go back and change things, bring them back to how they were. That is the most painful thing of all. My life as I knew it is over and now I must begin again or in the least carry on. There are moments when I know I will make it, I am after all a survivor. There have been other times, moments of utter darkness when I was afraid I wouldn't, didn't even want to, and have had thoughts no one wants to hear about. I even tried grief counseling for awhile and that made me feel worse yet. No one can fully understand the pain of another's grief because that experience is uniquely based on the relationship that was. And despite how much support one has from family and friends, we are still very much alone in life, especially at times like this because it is always our own personal experience.

I did not mean to ramble on so. It is late, I am tired and feeling melancholy. I miss the intimacy of what once was. I stay up late at night until weariness forces me to rest, else I lay in my bed alone, sleepless, missing the comfort of my husband lying next to me, even when I know rest is essential and the morning will bring responsibilities and work that will tire me even more. It is what it is until it ceases to be like this. So my friends, peace be with you, take care and know how much I love and appreciate your presence here with me. I will leave the blog up in hopes that someday soon I will return with greater focus. I do so mean it when I say thank you for everything.

love, Sallie

this and that

I am getting a little better now at getting back in the groove of day to day living. I have been able to keep the house in order and maintain a grip on those daily responsibilities like dishes, laundry and such. I have even begun to cook again. I know, that seems like a given but the loss and the grief have taken me down at times to a point where I did not want to get up.

I still have hopes of putting out a substantial garden this year. Unfortunately I have not started my seedlings and it's likely I will be purchasing my tomato and pepper plants this year instead of growing my own. I would not attempt a large garden for myself this year but my daughter and grandaughter will be here to help. Arrangements have been made and it appears my daughter, SIL and grandaughter will be moving in sometime within the next several months. Hard times for everyone indicate this is the best choice with the most benefits for everyone concerned. It will be an adjustment to say the least but not an impossible one. I have a lot of work to do in preparation for them. It feels a bit overwhelming, but no more so I suppose than the preparations they are making to leave their world behind and join mine. All I can do is my best and take it one day at a time. That and remeber to breathe. :)

time

Time keeps passing. I keep taking what seems like terribly small steps ahead into my future. My family and friends continue to support me in so many ways and I am filled with humbleness and gratitude for the love they show towards me. My nights are not empty and alone because of them. I am able to talk, cry and share my concerns and voice my confusion in the comfort of their love and presence. My gardens are turned under because of them. My financial needs are not an immediate concern because of them. I am getting through this all because of them.

My mind still roils in confusion much of the time. Scattered thoughts, a feeling of being disconnected, loose ends and lack of focus are commonplace. I eagerly await a time when I am more focused, have more intention than just getting through an hour, a day or a week. Yet time keeps passing and I know that I am making some progress. I still have not picked up my crochet or read a book or created something beautiful for the simple pleasure of the act itself. I will eventually. I have hope, in fact moments of extreme optimism, sometimes for a couple of days at a time. I take one step forward and often two steps back. I hate that the process of grief is long and unpredictable. I have to accept that this experience and this process is simply what it is and is something that I must go through. I can't fix it, make it disappear or rush it. It is frustrating, maddening at times and is something that challenges my very essence.

everything has changed

I am no stranger to grief. When I was 24 my mother died. It took years, but I got over it. When I was 39 my father died. I grieved and got over it. When I was 50 my brother died. I miss him but I have gotten over it. On Feb. 15th, just two and half weeks ago my one true love, my husband of nearly 30 years died. Within 24 hours the son of a best friend died. Within 48 hours my sister died. I mourn for my friend, I mourn for my sister's family, but I will get over it. You never "get over" it, this I know. You move on. But the death of my Coop? Grief is not alien to me, but this loss, this pain, this alone-ness is so different, so deep, so filled with emptiness and sorrow. Funny how emptiness and alone-ness can fill you. My grief is all consuming in moments. I do not wish to bring others down by it, yet I feel I must put it down in words as best I can. I write, it is what I do. I ask that you, my readers bear with me if you can. If not, close the window.

Tonight I am alone with my thoughts, alone in this house. I have chosen to be. I needed to be. Friends and family have been with me for two and a half weeks, afraid to leave my side, knowing I needed them. And they needed to be here for me. Where might I be without them? Even more lost I imagine. But I needed to test the waters. To see if I can make it through a night alone. I needed to talk aloud to my Coop instad of whispering in the dark under the sheets in our bed. I have to believe he hears me, is by my side strengthening me, loving me. If not, how do I go on? So tonight, when all is quiet I cry alone, talk to my Coop, wail in an unfamiliar voice and write. It is in these moments of despair I can only feel what is missing.

Everything has changed.
My comfort, my strength, my lover, my most intimate friend is gone.
In one single moment that I will live over and over again, he is gone. Taken from me.
Like a light that shines brightly, then with one single click...turned off...gone.
Lights out forever.

What would I give to feel your arms envelop me just once more?
To hear your voice, the music of your laughter or see your smile,
to touch your face, kiss your mouth just once more?
Everything. I would give everything.

Now I must will myself to go on, to learn to live all over again.
How will I accomplish this without you, my strength and resolve?
How do I go on...alone, learn to live in each day without projecting thoughts into all the tomorrows without you?
And in yestrdays as well, lest I wrap myself in sorrow forever for what has been and will not be again?

They keep telling me I am strong. But in this moment, these long, dark nights of my soul I am weak, brought to my knees, the wind knocked out of me by some invisible blow. Yet I know there are others who have lost their soul mate and a part of themselves and have suffered like this. Small comfort, but I will take what I can. I must not lose sight of myself. I must carry on as if life matters even if I am alone.

I pray to an unseen force, I pray to my beloved that I may be like the phoenix that rises up from the ashes. I pray for the strength to begin again, to remember who I am. I must remember who I alone am because everything has changed.

memories of yesterday

I have been absent for awhile now. It has been two weeks and two days since my beloved Coop, my life and my rock passed from this earth plane. It was abrupt and a shock to all. I find comfort in the fact that he went quickly and painlessly in his sleep. I have much to say to others as I reflect on the feelings and thoughts that run through my heart and mind. But those things will have to wait. For now I am grieving as I practice facing the future one day, sometimes only one moment or hour at a time. I will return when I'm able to dedicate my thoughts to these pages. In the meantime I simple wanted to let all of you know what has taken place and why I have been absent. I miss my partner and best friend and the children and grandchildren miss their dad and grandpa. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers. More importantly, please appreciate those loved ones you hold dear and never, ever take life and love for granted. We always think there is tomorrow but often there is no tomorrow, only the memories of yesterday.

Sallie

just pictures

That's all, just photos I've taken over the past few days. Life is busy so I haven't spent a lot of time here but do want to say hello and extend a big warm welcome to my newest subscribers and followers. Thanks for being here and finding my ruminations at least slightly entertaining. :)

Blue Jays outside the kitchen window

you are not a potato Oden!

Look who I found on the bakers rack...

and then he noticed me...

After the snow came the shoveling...

and after the drifting came the plowing.

These last two were taken from the car on our way into town the other day.
I'm not giving up...still holding out hope for spring! I know it will come eventually...
I believe, I believe, I believe!

and now we return to your normally scheduled broadcast

No matter how you celebrated, I hope your holiday was/is filled with love.

Our Solstice Eve was shared with my niece and her husband as well as our daughter, son in law and grandaughter. Later in the evening after coming home from my niece's, my twin sis, her husband and our friend Bill came out and spent the evening with us, rounding out the day.

On Tuesday following Solstice we met our daughter in law half way between our homes and brought the two older (5 and 7 years) grandsons home with us, after a nice lunch with all three and their mom. Tuesday consisted of playing games, making chocolate dipped pretzels and having pizza for supper, followed by ice cream!

On Christmas Eve, with boys in tow, we drove to our daughters to house to spend the afternoon and evening with our family and to return the boys to their parents as well as bring our grandaughter home with us in order to get her to her biological dad's this morning for his holiday visitation. It was late when we got back home last night, about 10:30. When I let the dog out I found a note stuck in our front door. It read, "Don't Delay" on the front. I thought, what the heck? It was from our Amish friend Sam letting us know they had butchered a hog and no matter how late, we should get over there and get what we wanted because tomorrow may be too late, it was first come, first serve. We had told them we'd take some of the pork when they butchered, but thought we might get more notice than that!

So, with the car still warm and the money in his pocket, Coop headed the mile or two to Sam's to see what he could get. He came home with a bag containing over 20 pounds of casing sausage, a couple of pounds of bulk sausage, plus loins and a bone-in slab. Oh yeah and a slab of pork belly to make into bacon. We stored it all in the garage overnight to stay cool and this morning I got to work. First cutting appropriate sized links of sausage for freezing...


then taking these loin pieces and slicing some thick chops as well as a roast. The bony piece was cut in half for roasts...I'm thinking pork and kraut here. I made a dry cure of salt, brown sugar and freshly ground black pepper for the bacon. I've never cured bacon before, so hopefully this will turn out well. Once cured we'll smoke it on the grill or dry it in the oven.

I had planned a more productive day, but after lunch a nap was just too irresistible. After the busyness of the past week, I guess there's nothing wrong with that and finding myself happy to be here at home where it is just the two of us with our dog and cats and the peace and quiet and nothing needing my immediate attention. I admit, no matter how I miss them and how happy I am to spend time with my family, I am always happy to return home as well. Tonight there are dishes to be done and a floor to be swept among other things, but these things will still be here tomorrow. For tonight, I think I hear the sofa calling me back, along with a good read and a cup of tea. A peaceful night awaits. I wish you the same as well.

this place has gone to the dogs!

Timmy (my dog), Kandice with Cubby Bear on her lap and Stetson.

Well the place had gone to the dogs, but now the grandogs have headed home with their people and the house is quiet again. The dishes are caught up, the house straightened up, Coop is watching tv and the animals are all napping. Kandice is improved as for the pluerisy, but on medication to ease the symptoms. I'm hoping she shows much more improvement over the coming week.

This is Stetson, the rescue dog the kids adopted at the same time they found Timmy for us. He's half German shepherd, half Shar-Pei and one big baby. But when he barks it rattles the nerves because he's loud and sounds so fierce. Helluva watch dog. Then there's little Cubby Bear (below), a rescue dog as well. He's small but with a ton of personality. He's a chair thief, too, at least when it comes to my chair.

I got to spend all day yesterday with my daughter and grandaughter (and grandogs) while Tom went in to the hospital to spend the day with his mom. Good news, his mom is ok and did not have a stroke. My understanding is that it was an erratic heart rhythm and blood pressure drop (not sure about what brought it on). She is on medication now that seems to be working.

More good news! My sister got her results this morning and there were no signs of cancer or abnormal cell change. Reason to celebrate! I'm so thankful for the good news and also want to thank those of you who sent good thoughts and prayers regarding the family's well being. You know who you are. :)

Tomorrow we'll be attending the memorial for Coop's dear brother in law. I imagine it will be a time of catching up with family as well as a time of mourning. It's a shame that so often it takes a death to gather the family together. That is something Coop and I have talked about recently ...taking the time to stop in and visit sisters and brothers more often, an early New Year's resolution I guess.

This white tail was just outside the kitchen window this afternoon. A site we're seeing more regularly now that the view through the woods is clear. We saw three beautiful buck just beyond the creek the other day. Just one of the gifts winter brings. I love this country life.

sunday

On Friday homemade pie fillings (apple, cherry and raspberry as well as pumpkin) were made and nine pies baked. (I forgot to take pics of the pies but then you have seen my pies before.) Yesterday eight pies were delivered and one was eaten. Last night the customer called me personally to thank me and tell me (after sampling the cherry) that it was the best pie and flakiest pie crust he had ever eaten. That was so thoughtful and nice and sure did make my day.

Outside the kitchen window evidence shows that old man winter arrived last night and left a sampling of greater things to come.

Today I will take a break and not overtax myself. The cold along with a lot of dough making and rolling has my hands suffering a bit from arthritis. My main objective for today is to stay warm and count my blessings. Wherever you are I hope you are safe and warm and counting your blessings as well.

this, that and a happy birthday

The past week has been filled with various activities ranging from practical to fun. Coop covered the west windows with plastic to help keep the cold out, the big witch hazel bush, a gift from my lovely niece, was planted in the perfect spot to allow it to grow wild and I made another small batch of homemade soap, this one with lavender oil and oatmeal. A decision was finally made to give up the muscovies since feeding them throughout the winter is costly and our hen stopped laying quite some time ago. Coop picked up a load of nice lumber that a nearby neighbor was going to burn. This will give us a good amount to begin building a shelter or pen for a pig (or two) come spring.

In the midst of life as it comes, we were invited along on a trip to Kidron last Thursday to visit Lehman’s Hardware with our neighbors. We were game to go again! I took my camera along this time folks, so I have pictures to share yet. Will do so asap.

Friday, our daughter, son in law and their dogs came up for the night. During the course of the evening, my sister, her husband, their friend Bill, two of my nieces and my great nephew all came by for a visit. I had a houseful! It was a late evening, but an enjoyable one. The next morning our son in law made pancakes for breakfast while I baked a tray full of thick bacon slices. Tom is the official pancake maker in this family because he does them so well. When it comes to pancakes Tom’s our man!

Yesterday was Coop’s 66^th birthday. We take birthdays, anniversaries and the like all in stride as pretty much just another day with a little something special thrown in when possible. I fixed a nice dinner and invited our niece and her hubby over to share in it. It was rather like a mini Thanksgiving. I roasted an organic chicken, made a big dish of “to die for” sausage stuffing and gravy along with sweet potatoes and peas. It was all so delicious if I do say so myself and we enjoyed the food and company immensely.

Today the chicken has been cleaned from the bones and the carcass is now simmering on the stove for broth. While puttering about straightening the house, I decided to put the fall decorations away. Since I was making the trip to the upstairs closet I figured I may as well bring down the Yule decorations along with the winter coats. I don’t do a lot of seasonal decorating but have one small box of fall décor and one of Yule décor along with a 3’ fiber optic tree. I don’t always put the tree up and didn’t last year because I had several huge poinsettias given to me by my nephew. One year we just put a bunch of pine boughs in a big crockery pot and hung a pine wreath on the door. I prefer decorating with nature, but this year I decided to put the tree up for a little seasonal twinkle.

I have a basket full of pine cones I always set out and add a little greenery to it. The pine cones were gathered by Coop and I a few years ago while visiting a park…just exactly where I don’t recall now.

Of course every now and then the kewpies have to come out and play as well. : ) I realize it’s a bit early for holiday decorating, but hey, you do what you can when you can.

Later this week I’ll be baking. I’ve been in the mood to make cookies and that my friends, will make my husband very, very happy. I will be baking pies on Friday as well since I got an order for two raspberry and two cherry pies from our son in law’s coworker and friend. He also wants to purchase some of my jams as well, so I’m tickled about that as it will put an extra chunk of change in our pockets this month. That along with the goodness of everything else in life and I am feeling quite blessed by the universe.

simple womans daybook

For Today...

Outside my window the sun was shining for the better part of the day. Now the light is fading as the sun sets.

I am thinking of my grandsons and missing them.

I am thankful for...a phone call from my sister today and that she has a new kitten and that the elections will soon be over and when it is that I will no longer be getting all those prerecorded messages trying to sway my vote …especially the ones from one particular campaign badmouthing the opponent.

From the kitchen...home grown green beans and taters with lean, uncured bacon simmering on the stove and boiled eggs waiting to be deviled.

I am wearing...denim capris, a lavender print cotton thermal top and an off white sweater, socks and moccasins.

I am reading...The Old Herb Doctor and still on When All Hell Breaks Loose as well..

I am hoping...Coop gets home safe and sound and not too tired out. He’s been working with C, our neighbor/landlord at re-roofing C’s house in Columbus.

I am creating...fingerless gloves for my grandchildren because they think they are way cool.

I am hearing...the occasional car drive by as neighbors head home from their jobs as well as the heavy breathing of my dog Timmy as he naps on the loveseat.

Around the house... progress was made in clearing out the upstairs and organizing the sewing room, swept the downstairs, cooked pinto beans for tomorrow’s meal, sorted through and inventoried my candle box, did some bead sorting as well.

One of my favorite things...is quiet

I am looking forward to…a possible visit this week from my twin sister.

A few plans for the remainder of the week…baking bread, hauling boxes of unnecessary items out to the barn for a spring sale, washing up a bunch of old blue canning jars Coop recently got for me at an auction. I will use those not suitable for canning to store herbs.

ABC's

I saw this on Granny Sue’s blog and thought I'd give it a try as well.


A ~Aprons--y/n If y, what does your favorite look like? Yes, love them. My most used one is an old blue print bib apron stained from years of cooking, canning and baking. My favorite one is my pretty pink bib style that I made over the summer.

B ~ Baking--Favorite thing to bake? I like making casseroles and pies, but there’s not much better than the smell of bread baking.

C ~ Clothes line? Oh yes, one inside used from Spring right though Fall. Another one going up inside for winter.

D ~ Donuts—yes, once many years ago. Something I’d like to try again.

E ~ Everyday--One homemaking thing you do everyday? Only one? I have a morning ritual that includes wiping down the bathroom sink and commode, dusting off my desk and the coffee table and removing pet hair from the sofa and loveseat before I do anything else.

F ~ Freezer--Do you have a separate deep freeze? Yes, and it’s packed with good things from the summer harvest.

G ~ Garbage Disposer? No, but when you have a dog, two cats, two ducks and a compost bin who needs a garbage disposer?

H ~ Handbook--What is your favorite homemaking resource? Recipes; those for food as well as soap making, household cleaning, etc.

I ~ Ironing--Love it or Hate it? Or hate it but love the results? I don’t mind it at all, in fact can enjoy it but it’s something I seldom do these days. Ironing, like many things, can be a zen experience.

J ~ Junk Drawer--y/n? Where is it? Of course, tell me anyone who doesn’t have one! Mine is in the kitchen.

K ~ Kitchen--color and decorating scheme. Walls are light pink, wood trim is a light mocha. I think I would like to integrate some green. The atmosphere is my own, "eclectic farmhouse".

L ~ Love--what is your favorite part of homemaking? I love those days when I can just putter about the kitchen or spend a whole day cooking and creating. I also love the sense of accomplishment and appreciation I feel when I step back and take note of the comfortable and positive environment I’ve created.

M ~ Mop--y/n? Yes, two, one sponge mop for light work, one rag mop for serious mopping.

N ~ Nylons, machine or hand wash? Nylons!? No thank you. I can’t even remember the last time I wore them.

O ~ Oven--do you use the window or open the oven to check? I don’t use the oven light and window, I open the door.

P ~ Pizza--What do you put on yours? Not something we consume very often. When we do, prefer loaded with lots of onions and peppers, sausage or pepperoni or both, good sauce and provolone or a blend of cheeses.

Q ~ Quiet--What do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment? I go into the living room and crochet or meditate, or go outside to the garden or take a walk around the property.

R ~ Recipe Card Box--y/n? What does it look like? Ha ha! I have my most used books on a shelf, but in the cupboard is a box full of my MIL’s old recipe books I haven’t been able to part with, plus a folder of loose recipes from the internet and friends, plus a berry basket full of my most beloved recipes.

S ~ Style of house--What style is your house? 108 year old basic two story farm house.

T ~Tablecloths or Place mats? Neither most of the time, but I do like using vintage tablecloths for special occasions.

U ~ Under the kitchen sink--organized or toxic wasteland? Uhmmm..somewhat organized but not a lot of toxins.

V ~ Vacuum--How many times per week? 1-2 times per week I vacuum the living room area rug. The rest of our floors I sweep with a broom or dust mop as they are not carpeted.

W ~ Wash--How many loads of laundry do you do per week? Two, unless I have bedding to wash. Then I have three.

X's--Do you keep a daily list of things to do that you cross off? Almost always…it’s what keeps me focused and moving.

Y ~ Yard--y/n? yes, substantially sized despite two gardens.

ZZZ's ~ what is your last homemaking task for the day before going to bed? Letting the dog out for the last time, turning off all the power strips, lowering the thermostat, locking the doors and making my list for the next day.

I hope to read your ABC's on your blog! Let me know if you decide to play.

before it's gone

a drive through the neighborhood today...

had me taking in the season before it's gone.

so much to share

Ya know, there are so many things I want to share with you here but I have always had a tendency to have a million things running through my brain that by the time I get to them they have taken a back seat to more immediate things or they’ve slipped my mind. I think my tendency to have so much going on in my head is why I strive (not always successfully I might add) to keep a sense of order in my home. I am often jotting down thoughts, ideas or inspirations to write about and share but then I often fail to remember where I’ve written them. Silly, since I have journals for that very reason! I need more structure in that department although many of my friends would say I’m anal enough. Yes, that is what they often call me. : ( But really, that’s not a bad thing. I have to be that way to a certain extent or my life would be like my thoughts, random and helter skelter.

For quite some time I have wanted to tell you about this cast iron cauldron I found over the summer at a yard sale. I was taken by it of course for several reasons, I could tell it was old and interesting, (I always say that’s why I married Coop, but I don’t think he appreciates that remark), it was cast iron and it was a cauldron. Tell me, have you ever known a witch that didn’t like cauldrons?

Anyhow, the man selling it told me it had belonged to his grandfather or maybe it was his great grandfather, not sure now. I was curious about the brass rod that had a ceramic bulb on the end. He explained to me that this was a dauber.

The cauldron was used to house oil and the dauber was to spread oil onto logs to light them or keep them burning. Obviously the man could tell I just loved his grandfather’s old oil kettle and he voluntarily knocked the price down for me. How could I resist? He even accepted a check since I didn’t have any cash left as I had just a couple of dollars with me and had already used that on a few other things he’d had for sale like the box of vintage sewing items I got for $2.

Then, there was the heart Coop noticed one day as he was munching on a fresh pear he’d just picked…

And the day Coop found the baby bunny in the yard, badly injured. He brought it in and I examined it and saw that its back leg was dangling and it was already in shock, so we set it back out to let nature take its course. Poor bunny.

And then there are the two hawk feathers that presented themselves to me last week as I walked the trail through the woods.

I’ve found four of these now since we’ve returned to the farm. According to Native American lore finding a hawk feather means that you are on the correct trail and you should continue in that direction. Considering the direction of my life that sounds like a good, sound message from my perspective.

Saturday's fun and adventure

Before any more time slips by I wanted to share our Saturday adventure. After being back here at the homestead for over two years now, we finally made the thirty minute drive to visit Lehman’s Hardware. So this past sunny Saturday morning, with our niece and her husband along, we drove down to Kidron, Ohio.

It was a busy day at Lehman’s, being a Saturday with such fine weather. There was a flea market just across the street so before venturing into the hardware we decided to do a little junkin’. I found a #7 Wagner Ware cast iron skillet to bring home with me for just $5. I love it because it’s not only a little deeper than most of my cast iron skillets, but a great size, in between my small and large skillets. What with giving up my cheap coated cookware, this was a great find at a great price.

After browsing the tables at the flea market we ventured into the world famous Lehman Bros. store which has been enlarged and changed quite a bit since my last visit some years ago. I am sure I missed some of the many wonderful items because there was just so much to see. I totally regret forgetting my camera! If I had taken it along I would have shown you the largest display of cookie cutters I have ever seen. I would have also shown you the pottery and enamel ware section where I oohed and ahhed over bowls and bread pans. But alas, I left those behind and moved on.

I’ve no doubt I spent more time in the cast iron sections than anyplace. You see, I had regretted not coming home with a good sturdy tripod and Dutch oven on my last visit to Lehman’s years ago. We found the tripod we wanted and with much consideration and examination along with my dear, sweet niece’s generous nature telling me (to my surprise), “get what you want” I finally chose my Dutch oven. At first I was going to get the standard three legged over the coals style for outdoor use. But then I reconsidered this. In the end I decided on a flat bottom 7 ½ quart model that could be used not only over n open fire, but on the stovetop or in the oven as well. The iron on the flat bottomed style is just a teensy bit thinner but the style will serve well for outdoor cooking on the grill or with the pot hanging from the center of the tripod. Browsing the assortment of cast iron cookware I couldn’t resist treating myself to a small melting pot. This I know I will use as well.

the "new" skillet, Dutch oven and melting pot.

I also found another nifty item; a lamp top that fits a canning jar, converting any pint mason jar into an oil burning lamp.

This then led to finding an inexpensive globe top to fit as well. Here I’ve shown it on a quart jar since I had no empty pint immediately available. If the wick were longer a quart jar would work equally as well.

It was a grand and great day, the sun shining brightly to take a bit of the chill off the crisp fall air, the trees at the height of their autumn beauty, and the four of us walking away with useful goods at fair prices that will last generations. I don’t shop often to say the least and this is the first time in a very long time I have shopped for anything besides food. I’m not a shopper in general, avoiding the consumerist lifestyle for the most part. Seldom is there much of anything I need in the way of consumer goods. But I must admit this was fun, the most fun I’ve had in a spell.

On the trip back we sidetracked over to Wooster where our nephew treated everyone to lunch at the Longhorn Steakhouse. Ironically three out of the four us ordered chicken, lol! With the rising cost of everything, it has been a very long while since Coop and I have dined out, so this was such a nice treat. It was so enjoyable to spend the day with two of our favorite people and top it off with a good meal someone else had cooked and would clean up. It could not have been a more perfect and special day! And a special thank you to Jenni and John for being so gracious and good to us.

I'm on a mission and I can't be stopped

I’ve been on a kick for a week now, sorting, organizing and trying my best to arrange my home in a more orderly fashion. I think it’s because throughout the past two months I’ve been a tad bit overwhelmed with clutter while canning. Now that’s behind me I seem to be on a mission to streamline things…well, as best I can. And when I say I am done with canning this time, I really mean it. I thought I was done several times, but ended up with a few more quarts of this and a few more pints of that. The week before the wind storm I canned pear sauce. Then last Monday, the day after the storm, I got a bargain on a big ol’ box of peaches. How could I resist? Nearly ¾ bushel and I paid $5 for them! So Monday night and Tuesday morn I was canning peaches. I love peaches and was thrilled to find them marked down so low. A few were over ripe, but 99% were just fine and all nice big, tree ripened peaches. Tasty! Earlier I had called around local orchards and they were going for $36-38 a bushel. That’s way beyond my budget so finding a deal like I did was awesome! And how about this; I had just enough jars left to can them…just enough. So yes, I am done now because I am out of canning jars. That, my friends, is hard to believe because I had a load of jars at the beginning of the season.

Anyhoo, about the mission…I have reworked the kitchen a little to suit me better, switched things from one cupboard to another and somehow I actually found storage for my small appliances; the crockpots, the food processor, the blender, etc. I still haven’t figured that one out because I actually eliminated the sideboard. Trust me; I’m not questioned how, just celebrating the fact, lol! Today I unintentionally worked on the living room and rearranged enough to make it feel more spacious. With the cooler weather here and more time being spent indoors as the weather turns to fall, I needed to feel less closed in. The truth is, despite my simplified life, I have too much stuff and too much furniture. I am limited as to how I can arrange things and still maintain my own sense of aesthetics. But I pulled it off and managed to open the living room up a bit for a more spacious feel. Damn I am good! *snicker* I did take note as I was reloading the shelves with books and pretties that I need to go through these particular things and get rid of some of this excess stuff. But for the moment I am just going to feel good about what has been done.

My mind has been drifting to the holidays already. That means I must be picking up on my crafting soon since we give primarily handmade gifts. I have always enjoyed the creative process and my skills come in handy, especially on our budget. Not only when it comes to gift giving, but also in our everyday lives. Recently I crocheted a scarf for the top of the toilet tank. I felt it needed a little something to make it a little prettier. I happened to have some green cotton yarn on hand so I worked up this “doily” in a simple V stitch.

I also like to make shawls and have a couple I’ve made for myself and use regularly. They’re the nicest things to wrap up in on a cool morning or evening. I use mine in place of a robe around the house. I especially like to take one along when we go to the concerts in the park during the summer. The evenings can get quite cool and they are the perfect wrap.

Well, speaking of wrap, I think I’ll wrap this up. But before I do, check out the boys, Timmy and Arther. I think they’ve adapted well to one another.

I QUIT…sort of

Four and half more pints of ketchup, seven more quarts of tomato juice and seven quarts of pickled Hungarian peppers are canned…and I quit! Oh wait, I forgot about that basket of small pears Coop picked. Well, looks like I’ll be making pear butter tomorrow…just when I thought I was done. Weeeell, I’m very close to being done. Then I quit! But I hear this little voice inside whispering, “Yeah, but what about those Hungarians and Amish Paste still out there?”

Yeah, what about them? I’ll tell you what about them…they can stay there, they can lay there and rot. I am tired of canning! My shelves are full, my freezer is full and I’m tired.”

“Now you know you won’t let them go to waste. You live by the rule of waste not want not.”

You’re right, you’re right, OKAY!?…you know me too well…*sigh*…I will do my best to make sure they are put to use, if not by me then by someone.

Here’s the thing; I always plan for and plant more than we can use because one never knows when one type of produce or one section of the garden might fail. That was pretty much the case with the sweet peppers, but boy those Hungarians took off and all the tomatoes did exceptionally well this year. A variety of winter squash didn’t do so well due to vine borers, but we got a little of this and a little of that and we had plenty of zucchini! All I know is that I have enough veggies preserved for the winter and then some and I am tired of standing at the sink and stove, tired of finding tomato splatter on things it should not be on, tired of washing jars and kettles and kitchen towels and chopping veggies and peeling tomatoes, I’m tired of my kitchen table looking like a produce stand at the farmers market and tired of hauling dishpans full of tomato skins out to the compost bin, tired of the spills and the clutter piling up, and, and…

(catches her breath) I am so very, very grateful that through all the planning and hard work, our joint effort with nature has given us such beautiful, bounteous and tasty results. It has all been so very much worth it so…um…er..if you will please, uh…just disregard my rant, ok? : )