in loving memory

on dec. 28th we had to say good-bye to furby, mark's best friend for the past fourteen years.  cancer had gotten the best of her and it was time to quit.  it has been a sad, sad time for both of us but especially for mark. rip sweet little girl.  we will always love you and miss your physical presence in our lives.  godspeed.   

reflections & introspection

Through the mirror of my mind
Time after time
I see reflections of you and me...
 (Brian Holland/Lamont Dozier/Edward Holland,Jr.)

unless you're in the vicinity of my age you may not know where those words come from.  i'll give you a hint...dianna ross, get out of my head!

the holiday season is near over and for a lot of people it has been a rough time.  maybe the hardest part of the year.  for me, yeah, that's pretty true.  i seem to make it through birthdays, anniversaries, and other dates you would think would get to me...like the anniversary of coop's death...things likes that.  but the winter holidays are kinda like a double whammy.  not only am i trying to make new memories with mark, but at the same time without my family.  yeah, things used to be a whole lot different but then, not just for me. 

i have been reflecting on that part a lot lately...how it must be for those who used to be an important part of my life, how much anger and hurt they must feel to have to disrupt the family and exclude me entirely.  and the things is, i understand to a great degree how they must see me and my past actions.  i do however wonder if they actually see themselves.  doing that they would have to reconsider everything, not just my actions but theirs as well.  we all make mistakes so we can learn from them, but  it seems a lot easier to blame others than to look at yourself. looking at yourself can be pretty ugly at times.  plus it's hard to keep perspective and not go down that dark road to self loathing and depression.  i'm all too familiar with that place and it's not a place you choose to visit any too often. 

so, i guess i'm broadening my perception even more so these days.  the winter solstice season is a time for reflecting and introspection.  soul searching is necessary if we ever want to know ourselves, forgive ourselves and understand and forgive others.  then maybe we can move forward a little more gracefully.  this holiday season was really rough at first for a lot of reasons but i made it a whole lot better than it might have been.  it didn't just happen.  i chose it and i'm so glad i did. 

dear human

 

after researching these words, i learned there is actually more to this.  it continues with...

"But unconditional love? Stop telling that story. Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. It doesn’t require modifiers. It doesn’t require the condition of perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do your best. That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU. It’s enough. It’s Plenty."

Courtney A. Walsh

 

think about it

People who inspire you are living a version of life that you want to live. And people that you envy hold the key to the things you "think" you are missing from your life. ~Mastin

i get so angry

 

 about this

Breaking: Major Harvard Study Published in Federal Govt Journal Confirms Fluoride Lowers IQ

Read more: http://naturalsociety.com/harvard-study-published-federal-govt-journal-confirms-fluoride-lowers-iq/#ixzz27OYHQWcl

and about this

we are so blessed

i look out from my morning table and cannot help but find myself in a state of appreciation as i watch the birds, squirrels and chipmunks scurry about.  twice i have seen a hummingbird come to the coral bells.  come the month of may next year we will put a feeder out for them.  i say "for them" when in fact it will actually be to enable myself to observe and enjoy these tiny miracles hover and dart about.

i came across a little sign in a downtown shop the other day.  it read, "we are so blessed".  i brought it home as a constant reminder of that truth.  so often we get caught in day to day struggling that we forget to take note of just how blessed our lives are.  we can often feel that our lives are mundane and lacking in flavor or nothing more than a series of struggles. if we think and feel this, that becomes our experience and we fail to see the beauty and magic all around us.  believe me, i know of what i'm talking about because i have been in that place more than once.  access to it is easy.  the truth of our existence is a matter of perception, of what we choose to focus on.  anything worth attaining takes focus and practice and most of all the desire to change.  and change is not necessarily hard.  sometimes it's simply a matter of changing your mind or switching your thoughts.  to do that simply requires an awareness of your thoughts.  so, today, try practicing that awareness. 

we are all on a journey of self knowledge and awareness whether we recognize it or not.  as i continue to learn and grow i hope to delve more deeply into this subject.  in the meantime count your blessings and take note of the beauty and gifts all around you.

nom nom, this is heaven in a cake

cinnamon roll cake

i found this recipe via pinterest last week and had to try it.  oh my god! we loved it!  mark's favorite cake was chocolate until he tried this.  in a phone call the other day i even heard him telling his friend bill how good this cake was.  he's hoping i make it again real soon. pssst, just ignore the probable calorie content.

Cake:
3 c. flour
1/4 tsp.salt
1 c. sugar
4 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 c. milk
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. butter, melted

Mix everything together except for the butter. Slowly stir in the melted butter and pour into a greased 9x13 pan.

Topping:
1 c. butter, softened
1 c. brown sugar
2 Tbsp. flour
1 Tbsp. cinnamon

For the topping, mix all the ingredients together until well combined. Drop evenly over the batter and swirl with a knife. Bake at 350 for 28-32 minutes.

Glaze:
2 c. powdered sugar
5 Tbsp. milk
1 tsp. vanilla

While warm drizzle the glaze over the cake.