once upon a time...

...we didn't have the technology to communicate and connect with others like we do now.  if you're my age you probably think about that now and then.  if you're younger probably not so much.  i remember still the days when you not only took the time, but had the time to sit down and write a lengthy letter to a friend or relative.  today we text or call or message via facebook, etc.  we know what our friends are eating, drinking, doing, did, where they're at, going to or have been, what they bought, how they feel on a moment to moment basis, what games they play and the list goes on.  it seems we simply can't be without our cell phones and our aps.

i'll say this, i am grateful for the ability to communicate easily with my family and friends at any given time, yes.  and oh how i love the internet for searching out information, whether it's researching a particular subject or looking for a new recipe.

now i sometimes hardly believe in the concept of good vs. bad in some of cases.  technology is one of them.  it's what you make it.  it has such great benefit in our lives.  at times.  the point i'm trying to make here is that we all complain at one time or another about how busy and stressful our lives are.  yet we can't seem to put our phones or computers aside long enough to give ourselves a break.  just look around at what's happening.  i watch children walking home from school every day.  are they talking or laughing amongst themselves?  rarely.  they're all too busy with their attention on the phones in their hands. adults?  the same.  if they're jogging or walking they have their earbuds in or are busy looking at their phones.  i can't tell you how many times i have had pedestrians walk out in front of my car because their mind was on their phone, not on their surroundings.  (i promise i won't even get into drivers on phones.)

and, what's really oxymoronic is that while we're in constant communication with others we've forgotten how to actually be social in our immediate surroundings.  i'm sure i'm not the only one who has had friends over and had the time together interrupted repeatedly by someone's cell phone.  well, (sigh) there goes any chance of a deep or meaningful conversation.  we just don't often seem to get far enough in face to face communication to actually get to the heart of a matter before we need to answer a call or a text, or wait until after our friend does.  as technology has enabled us to broaden our social network we have actually become less and less capable or willing to participate in face to face communication.  i think that is a very sad thing.

do you know how to simply sit with yourself?  do you take time to listen to you?  can we stop scrolling or texting long enough to really connect to each other and ourselves?  commit to it!  yep, that's right.  why not commit to a routine of turning off your device for an decent amount of time each day?  spend some time getting to know yourself.  take a walk, sit in the park, be creative, meditate.  or meet a friend for coffee and actually spend that time with them, really talk, make eye contact, phone turned off and in your purse or pocket.  don't you even look at it.  better yet, be brave enough to leave it at home if you're not going far.  just think, in the days before cell phone we had no choice.  seriously, it's not such a big deal.

my point is this.  we clutter our lives every day with so much that's not only unnecessary but actually takes away from our peace of mind and quality of life.  all this unnecessary information and time spent sharing needless data adds to our mental overload and takes away from our being present enough to enjoy life in the moment.  too much input, too little time, freedom and actual awareness of the moment=STRESS.  i don't know about you, but daily events are often stressful enough without my adding to it needlessly.  turn your phone or tv or computer OFF.  relish some down time. find out what your breathing sounds like, hear the sounds of nature, smell the air, feel the creative experience, experience what's real; the life and beauty within and around us. it's what helps us recharge and be better able to deal with all the other commotion our day may present.   get yourself some peace!  it's available if you want it.  and it's free!

just a few ideas on real socializing

• designate a technology free day for yourself.  you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish.
• or if that sounds like too much to handle, begin with a technology free hour each day.
• if a group is going out to dinner, have everyone put their cell phones in a pile in the center of the table with the agreement that whoever reaches for their phone before actually leaving has to foot the bill.  
• actually have sit down dinners at home with the family.  all phones off and away from the table.  take this time to really communicate, listen and reconnect face to face.  if you can't do it every day, try to at least once or twice a week. 
• have a family game night.  no tv, no phones, no computers, no playstation.  how about a card game, a board game or some story telling?  or even a popcorn fight!  :)  
• get together with friends.  take turns hosting get togethers (dinner, picnic, potluck, game night for example).  no phones allowed!  

reflecting back with gratitude

Life has had it's hard moments, this past year especially. Family dynamics have changed somewhat as one realizes they cannot live their life for anyone but themselves regardless of how that makes others feel. We all survive and go one and adjust. It's what we do and have been doing for centuries.

It's been the most unusual year and the most surreal one of my life, not to mention the hardest. The shock of Coop's death and the loss I felt afterwards are indescribable. The death of my mom, dad, sister or brother cannot even come close to what it felt like to lose Coop. No one can truly understand that unless they have lived with and loved someone for that long and realize who they are as an individual is completely wrapped up in that other person...and then in an instant that person is gone, unexpectedly, forever and forever life is changed. Life becomes alien, unfamiliar and everything you do is now surreal because that other person isn't there...when you drive in the car or shop for groceries or come home or fix dinner or go to bed or get up in the morning. Every action, every though hurts because it is a moment to moment reminder of how life has been altered...premanently.

But then, slowly you begin to adjust and have good days in between when tears don't come as often. And you realize that you have a huge place in your heart, as if the love you have known has expanded your heart, opened it to the possibility of experiencing joy and love again, that feeling love for another does not take anything away from the love you have known nor decrease it in any way. Love knows no limits or boundries and loving one does not take away love or limit love for another. Anyone who has children understands this quite well.

I am just thankful for the love I have been given in my life from my family and friends...most especially from my children, their spouses, my sister and and from Coop and Mark. I wonder at times what I might have done to deserve the love of so many and the two wonderful men I have been priveledged to love and be loved by, but then life is strange that way. I don't think it's a matter of deserving really, but more a matter of allowing.

I am grateful for all the goodness and love in my life despite the dark days of the past year. I recall even then, being so very grateful for all the people and blessings in my life as I went through that period. I continue to feel gratitude for each day that I am given to be here, alive on this earth to experience all those things that make us human.

What Would Mother Do? An addendum to ‘our simple life’

my mother in 1944

After writing yesterdays post I got to thinking about the inspiration behind my lifestyle.

During the late seventies and first half of the eighties, my husband and I really struggled to make ends meet. We were supporting his three children from a previous marriage. That left little for the two of us and our two children. Pay days was unpredictable in amount. My husband was an auto body repairman who was paid flat rate. That meant that when work was good, you made money. When work was slow, you didn’t. We always said it was a “feast or famine” job and that was not far from the truth.

Fortunately I grew up with parents who had grown up and lived through the Great Depression. I was raised in a frugal environment and learned a lot from my parents, my mother in particular. No matter where we were we had a wood burning stove that heated the house. I recall my mother baking the most beautiful pies in a wood stove in the kitchen, also.

My parents saved in any way they could. They raised a large garden every year. Even when my mom’s health declined and she became disabled and Dad had retired, Dad still planted and tended a garden, even canning the food himself. It was just what one did.

Dad (sometime in the 1940's)

Mom was a wonderful cook and loved to bake as well. Her pies and cookies became well know throughout the local area. She was often busy baking, taking in orders from the town folk for her delicious pies and cookies. Mom was somewhat of an entrepreneur that way. As children my sister and I would tag along into town as she peddled homemade aprons to the workers at local restaurants. Later, she would sell her crocheted items on consignment at a downtown gift shop.

Growing up I watched my mother make meals from what others might consider nothing. We never, ever went hungry. I learned that as long as one has staple items in the home a meal can always be mustered up. It may have been a pot of beans, a pancake dinner or potato soup, but our bellies always got filled. If fresh fruit was abundant, one might even find a blackberry cobbler as the main course on the supper table. I didn’t say our diet was always balanced, but we never went hungry.

The funny thing is, as a child I never realized we were “poor”. My mom refashioned hand me down clothes to fit us. Butter, cottage cheese and sour cream were all made at home with milk from our cow. On the front porch my twin sister and I took turns cranking the handle on the butter churning jar. It didn’t occur to us this was work.

When a hog was butchered, mom used every little piece and part. I learned this when I came home from school one day and as I entered the kitchen, saw a boiled pig’s head sitting on the kitchen table staring at me! Once I realized this is how she made souse, by trimming all the excess meat, I could never eat pickled meat of any kind. I can tell you however, that my mom made the best pork sausage I’ve tasted to date. Growing up I thought sausage just tasted like that regardless, so the first time we had store bought, to say I was disappointed was an understatement. Over the years I’ve tried to replicate hers by adding seasoning to plain ground pork sausage, but to this day, it’s never quite the same…but sage is essential.

My mother passed away in the spring of 1980, just six weeks after my daughter was born.

She had been ill a number of years and despite the emotional pain of her absence, I was not sorry to see her suffering end. Through the years of raising my family and making ends meet through difficult times, I could always think back to what my mother might have done. I guess you could say she stayed with me, guiding me in the art of getting by.

So, even after disposable diapers were introduced, my babies wore cloth. That was never a conundrum; you only had to buy them once and when no longer needed, you passed them on to another mommy or used them around the house as cleaning rags. Even back then in the 70’s and early 80’s it just didn’t make sense to spend money on something you threw away…even when many a time I had to hand wash the diapers.

My parents instilled a lot of good values in me and taught me how to get by. I can count on one hand the number of store bought toys I had as a child, but I never felt deprived. Books were free at the library and as children used to do, we played outside games when weather permitted and otherwise, used our imaginations. I learned to sew by making my doll baby clothes from patterns my mother made. I learned to cook by watching my mother in the kitchen and asking lots of questions…she didn’t like anyone helping her at the stove. I inherited that tendency I must admit. Everyone knows I’m boss in the kitchen and to stay out of my way. : ) My mother inspired me to learn crochet work. She was an avid crocheter but didn’t have the inkling or patience to teach me, thus I taught myself.

Mother kept a clean, orderly home despite the number of children and grandchildren coming and going. She instilled that value to some degree in me. I remember her saying, “There are many reasons a person may be poor, but there is no excuse for being dirty, even if that means you have to haul water from the creek.”

As a teenager I thought the grass was greener on the other side, as they say. My big dream was to move away from the rural life and live in an apartment in the city when I was grown. I thought my parent’s ways were old fashioned and country life was boring.

Isn’t it funny how life can bring you back to your roots and what’s real and good and true?

my parents & siblings in approximately 1959 (?)
My twin sister & I are the youngest. That would be one of us with finger up nose.

the past few days

I am home today now, catching up on my stuff and sleep. Tuesday my daughter went to the hospital. Friday she came home, diagnosed with c. diff, a bacterial infection in the intestine. Today she learned she has Listeriosis, also. She is on antibiotics for the c. diff. She begins another medication on Monday for the Listeriosis. (Maybe if we had socialized medical care in this country she would still be in the hospital where she should be). She could have died…again. So close so many times over the past few years. I named her Rainbow Tree Girl awhile back. I told her today she is now “Super” Rainbow Tree Girl.

Tom is home with her for the weekend. Her dad and I will drive down again tomorrow evening to stay, so she is not alone during the day while Tom works. I wish they were closer at hand for everyone’s sake.

My blog posts (the growing challenge and tech free challenge) are on hold. Starting my seedlings is on hold, too, but I will get to those next week. First things first.

When it’s a matter pertaining to the health and well being of those we love the most, the support of others mean a lot. Any light, positive vibes, thoughts or prayers for Kandice’s return to health and well being are most welcome.