Saturday, November 21, 2009

reflecting back with gratitude

Life has had it's hard moments, this past year especially. Family dynamics have changed somewhat as one realizes they cannot live their life for anyone but themselves regardless of how that makes others feel. We all survive and go one and adjust. It's what we do and have been doing for centuries.

It's been the most unusual year and the most surreal one of my life, not to mention the hardest. The shock of Coop's death and the loss I felt afterwards are indescribable. The death of my mom, dad, sister or brother cannot even come close to what it felt like to lose Coop. No one can truly understand that unless they have lived with and loved someone for that long and realize who they are as an individual is completely wrapped up in that other person...and then in an instant that person is gone, unexpectedly, forever and forever life is changed. Life becomes alien, unfamiliar and everything you do is now surreal because that other person isn't there...when you drive in the car or shop for groceries or come home or fix dinner or go to bed or get up in the morning. Every action, every though hurts because it is a moment to moment reminder of how life has been altered...premanently.

But then, slowly you begin to adjust and have good days in between when tears don't come as often. And you realize that you have a huge place in your heart, as if the love you have known has expanded your heart, opened it to the possibility of experiencing joy and love again, that feeling love for another does not take anything away from the love you have known nor decrease it in any way. Love knows no limits or boundries and loving one does not take away love or limit love for another. Anyone who has children understands this quite well.

I am just thankful for the love I have been given in my life from my family and friends...most especially from my children, their spouses, my sister and and from Coop and Mark. I wonder at times what I might have done to deserve the love of so many and the two wonderful men I have been priveledged to love and be loved by, but then life is strange that way. I don't think it's a matter of deserving really, but more a matter of allowing.

I am grateful for all the goodness and love in my life despite the dark days of the past year. I recall even then, being so very grateful for all the people and blessings in my life as I went through that period. I continue to feel gratitude for each day that I am given to be here, alive on this earth to experience all those things that make us human.

4 comments:

  1. Hello Sally,
    I think of you often and am SOOO glad that you wrote to let all know how you are. I am so happy for you and the second chance of finding love. Most of us don't have a first chance so when you get the opportunity to love again, it is a blessing and a miracle. I agree with you 1000% percent when you say that love for one doesn't limit love for another. But I think as humans we sometimes forget that and are so fearful of losing what we have that the thought of sharing it makes us hold on tighter. Next Wednesday will be the 2nd Anniversary of my mother's death, and a bit before Christmas the first Anniversary of one sister and in March the first Anniversary of the death of my youngest sister and two of her boys. There is too much sadness all around to not take a chance at happiness. I wish you and Mark and your families a warm, happy Holiday season, and please continue to let us know how you are.
    Take care,
    Ro

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  2. I too have thought of you often. Lovely post glad things are better now. I can't imagine how difficult this past year has been for you!

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  3. I've thought about you over the months I've been absent online. I had to stop blogging for medical reasons the last 7+ months and wondered how you were doing. I'm overjoyed that God has blessed you so! Like proswet654 said in that comment faith WILL move mountains. I well remember your grief and for anyone who thinks that you cant feel what someone is writing is utterly wrong. I think we all felt your pain with your loss. I'm overjoyed to see that you have a new chapter to begin - and have begun with Mark and I wish you the BEST!!!!!! I'm kinda sad your moving from the homestead, I know you loved it, BUT I know your leaving for a good reason so I'm happy for you.......this is a new adventure that I'm excited to see for you! I hope you will continue blogging! I missed reading your blog and I hope you have found some joy.

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I sure appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts. I may not always have time to respond or acknowledge them but I do read them all and highly value your presence here.

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