Thursday, May 7, 2009

to my friends

The days have kept me busy and away from blogging as is apparent. However I do wish to say how very much I appreciate the comments, thoughts and prayers that have been sent my way. If I don't always acknowledge you, please take no offense. I do acknowledge you in spirit.

I have decided to step away from blogging at least temporarily. I do so want to get back to sharing with you on a more regular basis those things which brought me to this place initially. However, my focus has been elsewhere as of late while I strive to recreate my life and deal with responsibilities on my own that once were shared by two people. With more responsibility comes less time. Right now I am still making preparations for my daughter, grandaughter and son in law to move in sometime in June. I have lined up a part time job as well and need to get busy with other options I have available for bringing in an income. It's funny how everyone assumes once you become widowed that there is some kind of benefits to follow. Not true. There is nothing available until you are 60 which I am not. Thank goodness Coop and I did simplify our lives and I know how to live simply and frugally. Even so, I am challenged.

Some of you commented about the recent Easter holiday and how it might be difficult for me with Coop being absent from my life. It was not because we did not regularly take note of the Christian holidays. However, Mothers Day will be somewhat of a challenge as will Fathers day. The hardest one I think will be my birthday and next year when our anniversary arrives. I don't know how I will get through those days yet. For now I am grateful they aren't immediately looming over me. Each week, in fact often each day brings me new challenges and old memories, yearnings for what was. I know I can't go back and change things, bring them back to how they were. That is the most painful thing of all. My life as I knew it is over and now I must begin again or in the least carry on. There are moments when I know I will make it, I am after all a survivor. There have been other times, moments of utter darkness when I was afraid I wouldn't, didn't even want to, and have had thoughts no one wants to hear about. I even tried grief counseling for awhile and that made me feel worse yet. No one can fully understand the pain of another's grief because that experience is uniquely based on the relationship that was. And despite how much support one has from family and friends, we are still very much alone in life, especially at times like this because it is always our own personal experience.

I did not mean to ramble on so. It is late, I am tired and feeling melancholy. I miss the intimacy of what once was. I stay up late at night until weariness forces me to rest, else I lay in my bed alone, sleepless, missing the comfort of my husband lying next to me, even when I know rest is essential and the morning will bring responsibilities and work that will tire me even more. It is what it is until it ceases to be like this. So my friends, peace be with you, take care and know how much I love and appreciate your presence here with me. I will leave the blog up in hopes that someday soon I will return with greater focus. I do so mean it when I say thank you for everything.

love, Sallie

13 comments:

  1. Sallie, I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through, but i can tell you you seem to be holding up alot better than i would. I do wish you all the best, and im so sorry for your loss. Good luck to you, keep us posted.

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  2. Hi Sallie...

    I've had you on my mind alot. Glad to hear you're mucking your way through. Women like you are such a blessing to me, as I know that we share a kindred spirit, and you give me hope that I too could carry on if the future calls for it.

    It will just take time, I'm sure, and your little heartlight will shine again. In the meantime, just ride the waves and wait for the miracle that is sure to come. Coop's spirit is always with you. That will never change.

    Love and giant hugs to you, Annie

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  3. Dear,
    While you will be MISSED GREATLY!! I do understand. PLEASE take care of yourself and I hope that with your daughter and her family moving in it will at least help with the "loneliness" in general. The other loneliness will take time. My heart still aches you as you begin this leg of your journey, but know that you will be thought of often.
    Best till we speak again,
    Ro

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  4. Sallie, you know I will be thinking of you! I'll miss your words, but more than that, it will be good to know you are doing what you need to do and surrounding yourself with good things and good people. Best always!

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  5. We will be waiting for you. You have a great way of putting your feelings into words. Peace my friend, Kim

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  6. Blessed be and safe journey, with love from over here.

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  7. We will miss you here. God Bless and keep you. Know that you are in all our thoughts!

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  8. Good Morning Sallie
    Time never lets us forget but the open wound seems to close at a very slow pace and then the memories good and bad seem to emerge. Thank God you are a woman of substance so you are able to carry on. Will be watching for your next post. Will miss hearing from you. Lilly

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  9. Please don't leave us stranded as we will miss your lovely words and how you are coping with your loss. Sometimes a new adventure makes for a wonderul friendshp. Our prayers are still with y0u and Coops star is still shinning brightly. Lilly

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  10. ((((((((((Sallie)))))))))))

    strength, healing and love always

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  11. I've been thinking about you the last few days but today especially.

    I truly understand and yet of course, I don't understand at all. I hope you're finding some joy as well.

    Continued love, strength and healing

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  12. Hello,
    I just came across your blog and wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss.

    You do have a wonderful blog.

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  13. I love you all and thank you again for your kind thoughts and welcome comments.

    Things are changing and happening at a rapid pace in my life right now and I do hope to be back here to tell you all about it soon.

    Sallie

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I sure appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts. I may not always have time to respond or acknowledge them but I do read them all and highly value your presence here.

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