ok, i have had a lot of you wondering if i would ever be back. well, i want to be and in fact will make every effort to return to a routine of pondering and posting. :) and, i offer my apologies for being gone so long. as most of you know, (although i have picked up some new subscribers...welcome and thank you very much!) my husband of 30 years passed away in feb of 09. it wasn't long afterward that i met a wonderful man and we have been together since. in the process of the past year and a half i have grieved, loved, moved 125 miles away from my family and the country home i loved, grieved some more, given up my dog and two cats and had to contend with sharing a home with my new mil. mark and i are not married but i refer to his mom as my mother in law because, to be honest, i cannot think of another way to describe her that might not be offensive. so...it's been a crazy time for me over the past eighteen months. but, i am finally beginning to settle and feel as if i have my bearings...more or less. :)
sad to say (and what an adjustment it has been) i am living in a more suburban area than i would like. but, it's outside the city limits, (just barely) and with mature oaks, lots of little wild things and very good neighbors. ultimately, i can't complain, except about "mother", but that's another story, one which you will be spared because i'm just considerate that way. :D
i thought it only appropriate that the title of my blog be changed. so rather than 'from my homestead' you see it's 'homestead hippie at heart', cuz to be sure, you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl.
that's about it for now and when i have something to say or share, you can be sure i will. in the meantime a BIG hello to old friends and new. i've missed you!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
GM crop escapes into the American wild
transgenic canola now growing freely in north dakota. full article at nature news.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Saturday, November 21, 2009
reflecting back with gratitude
Life has had it's hard moments, this past year especially. Family dynamics have changed somewhat as one realizes they cannot live their life for anyone but themselves regardless of how that makes others feel. We all survive and go one and adjust. It's what we do and have been doing for centuries.
It's been the most unusual year and the most surreal one of my life, not to mention the hardest. The shock of Coop's death and the loss I felt afterwards are indescribable. The death of my mom, dad, sister or brother cannot even come close to what it felt like to lose Coop. No one can truly understand that unless they have lived with and loved someone for that long and realize who they are as an individual is completely wrapped up in that other person...and then in an instant that person is gone, unexpectedly, forever and forever life is changed. Life becomes alien, unfamiliar and everything you do is now surreal because that other person isn't there...when you drive in the car or shop for groceries or come home or fix dinner or go to bed or get up in the morning. Every action, every though hurts because it is a moment to moment reminder of how life has been altered...premanently.
But then, slowly you begin to adjust and have good days in between when tears don't come as often. And you realize that you have a huge place in your heart, as if the love you have known has expanded your heart, opened it to the possibility of experiencing joy and love again, that feeling love for another does not take anything away from the love you have known nor decrease it in any way. Love knows no limits or boundries and loving one does not take away love or limit love for another. Anyone who has children understands this quite well.
I am just thankful for the love I have been given in my life from my family and friends...most especially from my children, their spouses, my sister and and from Coop and Mark. I wonder at times what I might have done to deserve the love of so many and the two wonderful men I have been priveledged to love and be loved by, but then life is strange that way. I don't think it's a matter of deserving really, but more a matter of allowing.
I am grateful for all the goodness and love in my life despite the dark days of the past year. I recall even then, being so very grateful for all the people and blessings in my life as I went through that period. I continue to feel gratitude for each day that I am given to be here, alive on this earth to experience all those things that make us human.
It's been the most unusual year and the most surreal one of my life, not to mention the hardest. The shock of Coop's death and the loss I felt afterwards are indescribable. The death of my mom, dad, sister or brother cannot even come close to what it felt like to lose Coop. No one can truly understand that unless they have lived with and loved someone for that long and realize who they are as an individual is completely wrapped up in that other person...and then in an instant that person is gone, unexpectedly, forever and forever life is changed. Life becomes alien, unfamiliar and everything you do is now surreal because that other person isn't there...when you drive in the car or shop for groceries or come home or fix dinner or go to bed or get up in the morning. Every action, every though hurts because it is a moment to moment reminder of how life has been altered...premanently.
But then, slowly you begin to adjust and have good days in between when tears don't come as often. And you realize that you have a huge place in your heart, as if the love you have known has expanded your heart, opened it to the possibility of experiencing joy and love again, that feeling love for another does not take anything away from the love you have known nor decrease it in any way. Love knows no limits or boundries and loving one does not take away love or limit love for another. Anyone who has children understands this quite well.
I am just thankful for the love I have been given in my life from my family and friends...most especially from my children, their spouses, my sister and and from Coop and Mark. I wonder at times what I might have done to deserve the love of so many and the two wonderful men I have been priveledged to love and be loved by, but then life is strange that way. I don't think it's a matter of deserving really, but more a matter of allowing.
I am grateful for all the goodness and love in my life despite the dark days of the past year. I recall even then, being so very grateful for all the people and blessings in my life as I went through that period. I continue to feel gratitude for each day that I am given to be here, alive on this earth to experience all those things that make us human.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
ch..ch...ch...changes
Ok, so I have that David Bowie song in my head as I type this post to all of my good friends in cyber space.
First of all I wish to say how very much I appreciate all the kind words and support sent my way in response to my last entry and the changes in my life. You all are wonderful and have made my heart very happy.
And now again I am signing off to venture forth into the next phase of my life. On or near the first of October I will no longer be a resident here at the homestead, but will in fact be moving and making my home with Mark. I guess I will have to change my blog title to something other than "from my homestead" as I will no longer be a country dweller. Talk about change! You know me, I would prefer to be in a rural place and perhaps someday that will again be possible. But for now, this geographical change is secondary and it is good and necessary. And it's not like I am moving to the big city so I know things will be just fine.
Life can be funny (not necessarily haha funnny, but funny) and unpredictable and boy don't I know that. I just feel so blessed to feel alive again, to experience such love and light after such sorrow. I wanted to let all of you know that my life is continuing on in a wonderful way and that I appreciate all of your comments, your visits and especially your friendship so very, very much. Be happy and be good to you. I'll be seeing you in the funny pages. :)
love, Sallie
First of all I wish to say how very much I appreciate all the kind words and support sent my way in response to my last entry and the changes in my life. You all are wonderful and have made my heart very happy.
And now again I am signing off to venture forth into the next phase of my life. On or near the first of October I will no longer be a resident here at the homestead, but will in fact be moving and making my home with Mark. I guess I will have to change my blog title to something other than "from my homestead" as I will no longer be a country dweller. Talk about change! You know me, I would prefer to be in a rural place and perhaps someday that will again be possible. But for now, this geographical change is secondary and it is good and necessary. And it's not like I am moving to the big city so I know things will be just fine.
Life can be funny (not necessarily haha funnny, but funny) and unpredictable and boy don't I know that. I just feel so blessed to feel alive again, to experience such love and light after such sorrow. I wanted to let all of you know that my life is continuing on in a wonderful way and that I appreciate all of your comments, your visits and especially your friendship so very, very much. Be happy and be good to you. I'll be seeing you in the funny pages. :)
love, Sallie
Monday, August 17, 2009
a new chapter in my life
It's been more than three months since I last posted here. To say a lot has changed is an understatement. My entire life shifted when Coop passed away unexpectedly. And now, life is shifting again, but in a very positive direction. I have met someone special and over the course of the last several months have established a wonderful relationship with said person. And believe me, I have been judged and applauded for allowing love into my life so soon after Coop's demise. But, if you remember my words here, you'll recall I mentioned what I knew to be true, that I had a heart full of love to give and at some point in time I wished to establish a relationship again with someone deserving of that love. Well, to my surprise that has happened and I most definitely wished to share my good news with you.
Mark is a gentle man, well seasoned in the heartache that life often brings and as such is the most caring, compassionate and ego-less man I have ever met. He is a retired college English instructor and poet. It seems as if we were made for one another. We share so many idiosyncrasies and have such similar likes and dislikes that it feels as if we have known one another forever. Our relationship is one of total comfort.
As I mentioned, I have been judged and applauded for entering into a relationship so soon. Those who have judged obviously do not know my heart nor the amount of grief I've worked through and experienced. They do not know the emptiness I have felt, nor can they understand the depth of soul searching I have gone through. On the other hand, those who applaud my new found relationship understand that life can and does go on and living and loving is the essence of it. To those who judge I can only say this, I hope you never have to go through such a loss and such grief, but if you do then perhaps you will come to understand. To those who stand by me with happiness and encouragement I say, thank you for honest and loving support.
In the end all I can do is be grateful. I was so very blessed by the love I had known with Coop which I will carry with me and treasure forever. As both Mark and I know, Coop will always be a part of us and our life together. Now, to know the gift of love again is such a miracle to me. I count myself a most blessed person for knowing and experiencing great love and devotion twice in one lifetime, something so special that some may never know at all. That is a miracle.
The past week was a celebration of my 54th birthday. Mark came to spend the week with me and make it special, which he did and it was.
just two old and very happy hippies
Mark is a gentle man, well seasoned in the heartache that life often brings and as such is the most caring, compassionate and ego-less man I have ever met. He is a retired college English instructor and poet. It seems as if we were made for one another. We share so many idiosyncrasies and have such similar likes and dislikes that it feels as if we have known one another forever. Our relationship is one of total comfort.
As I mentioned, I have been judged and applauded for entering into a relationship so soon. Those who have judged obviously do not know my heart nor the amount of grief I've worked through and experienced. They do not know the emptiness I have felt, nor can they understand the depth of soul searching I have gone through. On the other hand, those who applaud my new found relationship understand that life can and does go on and living and loving is the essence of it. To those who judge I can only say this, I hope you never have to go through such a loss and such grief, but if you do then perhaps you will come to understand. To those who stand by me with happiness and encouragement I say, thank you for honest and loving support.
In the end all I can do is be grateful. I was so very blessed by the love I had known with Coop which I will carry with me and treasure forever. As both Mark and I know, Coop will always be a part of us and our life together. Now, to know the gift of love again is such a miracle to me. I count myself a most blessed person for knowing and experiencing great love and devotion twice in one lifetime, something so special that some may never know at all. That is a miracle.
The past week was a celebration of my 54th birthday. Mark came to spend the week with me and make it special, which he did and it was.
just two old and very happy hippiesIf anyone is still reading this blog, I appreciate it and will continue to share as the latest chapter of my life unfolds. Over the next couple of months my life will be shifting in other ways as well.
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